strangelittlecupcake

Scar Tissue & Rotten Apples.

2011-06-27T04:19:00.000-05:00

i watched a horrible movie tonight.

Not horrible in a way that would fall in or out of the normal critics formula.
HORRIBLE because it just personally made me feel absolutely, utterly miserable.

The thoughts i am about to expound on were conceived about an hour or so before i began watching said film.... however, it was not until the rolling of credits that they evolved into anything close to a solidified version.

You are fading from my memory.... & with a quickness.
Thats right... disappearing.... vaporizing into thin air.
Yet, i am completely aware that this is the case.

i find myself concentrating wholeheartedly just to remember the sound of your voice, the shape of your face or the way i once felt in your presence.
A process reminiscent of the pattern one's brain runs through when trying to recall a word on the tip of their tongue or sing the next lyric to a song from their childhood.
It is not unlike a dream in which the details are hazy....the feelings of familiarity remain... yet pieces, vibrant and crucial pieces are missing.... like re-watching that HORRIBLE movie on a fuzzy, black and white television.

Remember the scene in the Walt Disney version of Peter Pan where the viewers all had to clap so that poor little Tinker Bell could go from being a dim flicker of light & magically morph back into her typical glittering fairy persona? You are what would have happened had no one clapped.

We all know about heartbreak, loneliness, longing, desertion and rejection. i can hum each and every bar to the entire symphony myself... but what is this new unchartered territory where I can barely hang on to the memories that led to my own ultimate demise? This magic trick has failed & i am still sawed in half.
The audience has left. They want their money back. There was nothing to see in the first place.
It was all smoke and mirrors and now a mere bloody torso remains. Here is a paper bag to puke in.

for god's good sake....I wish i did not care. Honey, believe me you aint worth it.
In FACT i dont think i ever once consciously chose to LOVE you any more then a paraplegic chooses to have useless limbs. I used to view my love for you as an addiction to fight or a death to be mourned but now i see it more as an incurable disease that just keeps progressing.
The very thing that once awakened an unknown organ inside of me or perhaps wired my third eye open has in it's wake left permanent side effects and caused irrefutable damage.

You picked that apple off that tree and threw it as hard as you could against the concrete sidewalk and then you picked it up and did it again.

Love’s Not the Way to Treat a Friend by Richard Brautigan

2011-03-09T00:45:00.002-06:00

Love’s not the way to treat a friend.

I wouldn’t wish that on you. I don’t
want to see your eyes forgotten
on a rainy day, lost in the endless purse
of those who can remember nothing.

Love’s not the way to treat a friend.
I don’t want to see you end up that way
with your body being poured like wounded
marble into the architecture of those who make
bridges out of crippled birds.

Love’s not the way to treat a friend.
There are so many better things for you
than to see your feelings sold
as magic lanterns to somebody whose body
casts no light.

thanks Lucy Loo.

Fuck you February 14th, I need no more reminders that Love is most often a lie

2011-02-11T14:58:00.000-06:00

The way i see it is... that most things in life fall under the "shades of grey" category....you know,
subjective to the viewer or different for each individual.... but sometimes.... every once in a long while there is a black and white....a YES or NO

For instance, there is either a God/higher power or there isn't.
No in-betweens...
You either LOVE someone or you do not. There is no such thing is "KIND OF" loving someone.
There is no such thing as "LOVING SOMEONE...BUT"
The light switch is off or on.
You are alive or you are dead.
I could continue but that would be insulting to your intelligence.

DO you think you LOVE someone?
How does this match up with the definition below?
Compare and Contrast.

Our feelings often fein that of true love ...
One often experiences "symptoms" of love when real love is not involved in the slightest.
LOVE IS NOT A WARM FUZZY FEELING IN YOUR STOMACH OR A GOOSE-BUMP WHEN SOMEONE ENTERS THE ROOM
love is also not just pure obsession
LOVE is action...
if there is no action behind the word is is a lie, a falsehood.
EXAMPLE:
If someone claims to love you but then for WHATEVER reason cuts you out of their life completely
THEY DO NOT indeed LOVE YOU at all.
Life is short and bares much uncertainty,
THE MOST important thing in the most bare boned, simple vein of existence is keeping the ones you love close to your heart.... you NEVER know when you are gonna loose them and you damn well know you only live once.
If you are OK with choosing to loose a friendship/relationship/connection with someone whom you claim to LOVE. YOU ARE A LIAR and your words hold no clout.

I BELIEVE THIS WITH MY ENTIRE BEING AND IT HAS CHANGED everything.

¹love

noun \ˈləv\

Definition of LOVE

a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>b : an assurance of affection love>

: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>

a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration<baseball was his first love>b (1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address

a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind(2) : brotherly concern for othersb : a person's adoration of God

: a god or personification of love

: an amorous episode : love affair

: the sexual embrace : copulation

: a score of zero (as in tennis)

capitalized Christian Science : god

— at love

: holding one's opponent scoreless in tennis

— in love

: inspired by affection

See love defined for English-language learners »

Examples of LOVE

Children need unconditional love from their parents.
He was just a lonely man looking for love.
Mr. Brown seems to imply that when he retired he relinquished her love as casually as he dispensed with her secretarial services. —Ken Follett, New York Times Book Review, 27 Dec. 1987

Hell Ya...WARPAINT

2011-01-29T14:29:00.000-06:00

Undertow Lyrics
Your brown eyes are my blue skies.
They light up the river that the birds fly over.
Better not to quench your thirst.
Better not to be the first one diving in,
though you caught me and you know why
they breathe in the deepest part of the water
What’s the matter? You hurt yourself? Open your eyes and there was someone else?
Now i’ve got you in the undertow.
Now i’ve got you in the undertow.
Why you wanna blame me for your troubles?
Ah ah ah you better learn your lesson yourself.
Nobody ever has to find out what’s in my mind tonight.
Let tonight pass us by.
Do you really want to be the one to fight?
And i said “You’re better not to light that fire.
It will take you to the darkest part of the weather.”
What’s the matter? You hurt yourself?
Opened your eyes and there was someone else?
Now i’ve got you in the undertow.
Now i’ve got you in the undertow.
Why you wanna blame me for your troubles?
Ah ah ah you better learn your lesson yourself.
Nobody ever has to find out what’s in my mind tonight.
Nobody ever has to find out what’s in my mind tonight.
Nobody in my mind. Nobody in my mind.
I feel it in my heart tonight.
I laid on the floor pressing in my eyes.
Seeing little lights.
These are the decisions that only one could make
I wanted to stay home but i went running running running running from the troubles
runningrunningrunningrunningrunningrunni ngrunning
What’s the matter? You hurt yourself?
Opened your eyes and there was someone else?
Now i’ve got you in the undertow
Now i’ve got you so
why you wanna blame me for your troubles?
Ah ah ah you better learn your lesson yourself.
Nobody ever has to find out what’s in my mind tonight.
Nobody ever has to find out what’s in my mind tonight.

Saturday Afternoon Play List....

2011-01-29T14:06:00.000-06:00

Get Some- Lykke Li
Half a person- The Smiths
Rococo- Arcade Fire
Not in Love (Feat. Robert Smith)- Crystal Castles
Lovesick Teenagers- Bear in Heaven
Helicopter- Deerhunter
Thug Luv (Feat 2Pac) Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
Hell's Bells-Cary Ann Hearst
The Ride- David Allan Coe
Sinister Kid- The Black Keys
Never Let Me Down Again- Depeche Mode
I Cut Like A Buffalo-The Dead Weather
Bloodbuzz Ohio- The National
No One In Control-Snowden
I Can Change- LCD Soundsystem
I Wanna Be Adored- The Ravonettes
O.N.E.- Yeasayer
Undertow-Warpaint
Guys Eyes- Animal Collective

ambulances with sirens barreling up and down my street... make it nearly impossible to sleep...

2011-01-27T01:47:00.001-06:00

I would smoke a cigarette right now if i had not already quit....

i found a poem on New Years Eve, one of my worst night's to date.... the "Holidays" do not become me, they are the wrong shade for my skin tone....I digress.... back to the poem.... the poem....
its point was as poignant as the tip of an arrow and it hit me like a drum.

I will share it with you now:

'Time does not bring relief; you all have lied

  Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
  I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
  And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
  But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!

There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, -- so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, "There is no memory of him here!"
And so stand stricken, so remembering him!?

- Edna St. Vincent Millay

you can murder someone without killing them you know.

2011-01-27T01:24:00.004-06:00

Oh Polly, Pretty Polly, would you take me unkind
Polly, Pretty Polly, would you take me unkind
Let me set beside you and tell you my mind

Well my mind is to marry and never to part
My mind is to marry and never to part
The first time I saw you it wounded my heart

Oh Polly Pretty Polly come go along with me
Polly Pretty Polly come go along with me
Before we get married some pleasures to see

Oh he led her over mountains and valleys so deep
He led her over hills and valleys so deep
Pretty Polly mistrusted and then began to weep

Oh Willie, Little Willie, I'm afraid to of your ways
Willie, Little Willie, I'm afraid of your ways

The way you've been rambling you'll lead me astray

Oh Polly, Pretty Polly, your guess is about right
Polly, Pretty Polly, your guess is about right
I dug on your grave the biggest part of last night

Oh she knelt down before him a pleading for her life
She knelt down before him a pleading for her life
Let me be a single girl if I can't be your wife

Oh Polly, Pretty Polly that never can be
Polly, Pretty Polly that never can be
Your past reputation's been trouble to me

He opened up her busom, as white as any snow.
He opened up her busom, as white as any snow.
He stabbed her through the heart,
and the blood did overflow.

Oh went down to the jailhouse and what did he say
He went down to the jailhouse and what did he say
I've killed Pretty Polly and trying to get away

Brianne and i wrote a murder ballad & played it for the first time on Saturday

2011-01-11T01:21:00.008-06:00

These are most likely the most simplistic and repetitive lyrics I have penned to date

but also the truest and possible most personal....

"six feet underneath the ground"

Im in love with the ghost of the person meant for me

But Im trying, Lord I'm trying, I am fighting to be free

Ill bury you

Ill bury you... and run

Ill bury you

I WILL bury you and run

I would own your soul

If you only, had one left to give

I would own your soul

I WOULD OWN your soul

If you only had one left

& guilt she's been your killer

so dead you have become

Ill bury you

I will bury you

Ill bury you and run

Its time to let you go now

your heart is 6 feet under

its time to LET YOU GO

The most 100 beautiful English words

2011-01-11T01:18:00.001-06:00

Ailurophile A cat-lover.
Assemblage A gathering.
Becoming Attractive.
Beleaguer To exhaust with attacks.
Brood To think alone.
Bucolic In a lovely rural setting.
Bungalow A small, cozy cottage.
Chatoyant Like a cat’s eye.
Comely Attractive.
Conflate To blend together.
Cynosure A focal point of admiration.
Dalliance A brief love affair.
Demesne Dominion, territory.
Demure Shy and reserved.
Denouement The resolution of a mystery.
Desuetude Disuse.
Desultory Slow, sluggish.
Diaphanous Filmy.
Dissemble Deceive.
Dulcet Sweet, sugary.
Ebullience Bubbling enthusiasm.
Effervescent Bubbly.
Efflorescence Flowering, blooming.
Elision Dropping a sound or syllable in a word.
Elixir A good potion.
Eloquence Beauty and persuasion in speech.
Embrocation Rubbing on a lotion.
Emollient A softener
Ephemeral Short-lived.
Epiphany A sudden revelation.
Erstwhile At one time, for a time.
Ethereal Gaseous, invisible but detectable.
Evanescent Vanishing quickly, lasting a very short time.
Evocative Suggestive.
Fetching Pretty.
Felicity Pleasantness.
Forbearance Withholding response to provocation.
Fugacious Fleeting.
Furtive Shifty, sneaky.
Gambol To skip or leap about joyfully.
Glamour Beauty.
Gossamer The finest piece of thread, a spider’s silk
Halcyon Happy, sunny, care-free.
Harbinger Messenger with news of the future.
Imbrication Overlapping and forming a regular pattern.
Imbroglio An altercation or complicated situation.
Imbue To infuse, instill.
Incipient Beginning, in an early stage.
Ineffable Unutterable, inexpressible.
Ingénue A naïve young woman.
Inglenook A cozy nook by the hearth.
Insouciance Blithe nonchalance.
Inure To become jaded.
Labyrinthine Twisting and turning.
Lagniappe A special kind of gift.
Lagoon A small gulf or inlet.
Languor Listlessness, inactivity.
Lassitude Weariness, listlessness.
Leisure Free time.
Lilt To move musically or lively.
Lissome Slender and graceful.
Lithe Slender and flexible.
Love Deep affection.
Mellifluous Sweet sounding.
Moiety One of two equal parts.
Mondegreen A slip of the ear.
Murmurous Murmuring.
Nemesis An unconquerable archenemy.
Offing The sea between the horizon and the offshore.
Onomatopoeia A word that sounds like its meaning.
Opulent Lush, luxuriant.
Palimpsest A manuscript written over earlier ones.
Panacea A solution for all problems
Panoply A complete set.
Pastiche An art work combining materials from various sources.
Penumbra A half-shadow.
Petrichor The smell of earth after rain.
Plethora A large quantity.
Propinquity An inclination.
Pyrrhic Successful with heavy losses.
Quintessential Mose essential.
Ratatouille A spicy French stew.
Ravel To knit or unknit.
Redolent Fragrant.
Riparian By the bank of a stream.
Ripple A very small wave.
Scintilla A spark or very small thing.
Sempiternal Eternal.
Seraglio Rich, luxurious oriental palace or harem.
Serendipity Finding something nice while looking for something else.
Summery Light, delicate or warm and sunny.
Sumptuous Lush, luxurious.
Surreptitious Secretive, sneaky.
Susquehanna A river in Pennsylvania.
Sussurous Whispering, hissing.
Talisman A good luck charm.
Tintinnabulation Tinkling.
Umbrella Protection from sun or rain.
Untoward Unseemly, inappropriate.
Vestigial In trace amounts.
Wafture Waving.
Wherewithal The means.
Woebegone Sorrowful, downcast.

"This Dark & stormy Passenger"

2010-10-27T11:39:00.007-05:00

much much ado about nothing at all.

I dont want this love no more

with all the ache it brings

a captive audience of sorts

to all that cuts and stings

take these feelings far away

and drown them in the sea

they are the lead that weighs me down

these shackles have no key

Im gonna have to run not walk

to get you off my trail

abandon this sad, sinking ship

& on a raft set sail

This dark and stormy passenger

is handcuffed to my side

it lurks in every shadow

of every tear I've cried

There's a storm a brewing

a tempest if you will

I may shake and falter

but bend not to your will

I dont want this love no more

extract it from my chest

in it's place leave a blooming tree

with blue birds sweetly in a nest

Lee Alexander McQueen 1969-2010- Thy Eternal summer shall not fade

2010-02-15T15:21:00.000-06:00

Dear Sir,

I can not begin to communicate the utter shock and despair I experienced upon

discovering your suicide.

The fanciful world you created out of fashion perpetually transported me to my own
personal never never land. Your Art will be sorely missed.
You were the initial reason I decided to pursue fashion in the first place...
and I thank you for it.

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,

So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

With love,

Darla

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I live Vicariously through you, Chuck Bass

2010-01-22T15:07:00.005-06:00

Sometimes my life happens in a pattern of surreal and ironic events.

When I say sometimes, I really mean all of the time.

For instance....

somewhere around 2 summers ago when I was having a fantastic

Long weekend in one of my top 3 favorite US Cities, Chicago at Lollapalooza and beyond.

It is a tired and Cinderella-esque tale so I will spare you the gory details of the trip

However, what you do i fact need to know that our entourage was basking leisurely at my most favorite Chi-town watering hole, The Rainbo Club- a sweet little dive on North Damon that plays real records and has one of the oldest photo booths in the Country.

We were in the company of Some of the festival's headlining acts.

It would be a lie to say this did not feel epic.

Ed Westwick, the devious and cynical "Chuck Bass" on WB's infectious confection of a show, Gossip Girl was a part of our group.

At the time I did not know much about the plot and quite frankly, thought it sophomoric in concept so I barely payed attention to the fellow, although he was adorable, British and quite possibly one of the friendliest actors I have come in contact with.

Fast forward a year and a half.

SOMEHOW I have become completely enthralled and quite addicted to

everything about Gossip Girl

I am 26 years old and yet I often times would rather sit at home and watch these Manhattan debutant teenagers galavant around making messes out of their faux lives then go out and have my very own REAL social life.

If only I had payed attention to "chuck"

had a conversation

gotten the inside scoop

become friends

smoked cigarettes

had drinks

timing is everything.

I got to party with my favorite TV character and at the time, I didn't even know who he was.

Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids

from the streets of New york, begging for inspiration and reading many words

2009-05-29T14:09:00.004-05:00

i have found a poet that i love and his name is Jack Gilbert

"How to love the dead"

she lives, the bird says, and means nothing

silly. She is dead and available,

the fox says, knowing about the spirits.

not the picture of the funeral,

not the obect of grieving. She is dead

and you can have that, he says. If you can

love without politeness or delicacy

the fox says, love her with your wolf heart,

as the dead are to be desired.

Not the way long marriages are,

nothing happening again and again,

Not in the woods or in the fields.

Not in the cities. The painful love of being

permanently unhoused. not color, but the stain.

GUILTY

The man certainly looked guilty.

Ugly, ragged and not clean. Not to mention

their finding him there in the woods

with her body. Neighbors told how he was

always playing with dead squirrels,

mangled dogs, even snakes. He said

those were the only things that would

allow him to get close. "look at me"

the old man said with uncomplaining

simplicity, "Im already one of the dead

among the dead. Its hard to watch things

humiliated the way death does it.

Possums smeared on the road, birds with

ants eating out their eyes. Even dying rats

want privacy for their disgrace.

Its true I washed the dirt off of her face

and the blood off her body. combed her hair.

I slept beside her, at her feet for two days,

the way my dog used to. I got the dress

on the best i could. She looked so neglected.

Like garbage thrown in the weeds.

Like nobody cared he had done that to her.

I kept thinking how long she is going to be

alone now. I knew the police would take

pictures and put them in the papers naked

and open so people eating breakfast could

look at her. I wanted to give her

spirit enough time to get ready."

the unveiling: my summer fashion inspiration and look is...

2009-04-29T12:34:00.002-05:00

"Semi skanky (in a good way) yet bazaar 70's rock goddess inspired indian princess"

CHER meets BAT FOR LASHES....feathers, fringe, head dresses, faux fur and leather

beads, the longest of earing and the highest of platform shoes, tattered denim, chains, faux lashes, thick liner, heavy bangs, tall boots, flowing printed cotton dresses....

etc

if not evolving, then what am i doing?

2009-04-28T12:17:00.003-05:00

I am trying to do new things.

get outside my box

move,change, evolve, develop... anything but stand still

This week so far....I have....

Spoken my mind and stood up for myself

Went on a spur of the moment day trip to Athens, Alabama with Wray

Went to a writing work shop by Pamela De Barre

its only Tuesday...

what next?

i cant get off this Jeff Buckley and Elliott smith train today

2009-04-16T22:33:00.005-05:00

miss misery and lover you should have come over.

Ill fake it through the day

With some help from johnny walker red
Send the poison rain down the drain
To put bad thoughts in my head
Two tickets torn in half
And a lot of nothing to do
Do you miss me, miss misery
Like you say you do?
A man in the park
Read the lines in my hand
Told me Im strong
Hardly ever wrong I said man you mean
You had plans for both of us
That involved a trip out of town
To a place Ive seen in a magazine
That you left lying around
I dont have you with me but
I keep a good attitude
Do you miss me, miss misery
Like you say you do?
I know youd rather see me gone
Than to see me the way that I am
But I am in the life anyway
Next door the tvs flashing
Blue frames on the wall
Its a comedy of errors, you see
Its about taking a fall
To vanish into oblivion
Is easy to do
And I try to be but you know me
I come back when you want me to
Do you miss me miss misery
Like you say you do?

Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners

Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe Im too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight youre on my mind so you never know
When Im broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run
Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage hes done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one
So Ill wait for you... and Ill burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn
Oh lover, you shouldve come over
cause its not too late
Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come
Its never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
Its never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her
Its never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
Its never over, shes the tear that hangs inside my soul forever
Well maybe Im just too young
To keep good love from going wrong
Oh... lover, you shouldve come over
cause its not too late
Well I feel too young to hold on
And Im much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage Ive done
Sweet lover, you shouldve come over
Oh, love well Im waiting for you
Lover, you shouldve come over
cause its not too late

sike.

2009-04-13T12:03:00.003-05:00

that last post- ludicrous

although, i still agree with the comments i made regarding the weather.

yesterday and today were/are beautiful.

walking the dog, driving my convertible around east nashville, pretending i have not a care in the world, being a quote, unquote a lady of leisure...

is not all its cracked up to be

list of reasons i am still alive-

1. craft parties at Renae and Brannons

2. getting to meet/hang out with/style my most favorite New Zealanders

(Bret and Jemaine) visit the crusty cage blog for details

3. amazing friends. ABSOLUTELY incredible people.

4. listening to sweet playlists while driving convertibles through pretty neighborhoods to enjoy the foliage

5. my upcoming adventure to NYC May 18th-June 1st

6. all the incredible books i have yet to complete

7. all the songs i have yet to hear

8. my new found/ re-instated relationship with my mother ( and her boyfriend )

9. memories

the dam hath broken and the spring hath sprung.

2009-03-23T12:18:00.003-05:00

oh, of the turmoil that recently has been surging through my veins and swirling through my mind like a never ending electric shock.

I believe it has come to a halt.

Is it the glorious weather?

My interesting adventurous journey to SxSW and back?

The passing of time?

Creative Juices Flowing?

Sheer exhaustion?

The fantastic Playlist i put together this morning?

All of the above?

WHO even Cares

I welcome the warmth and the smiles.

PLAYLIST-

the strangers- St. Vincent

Dying is fine- Ra Ra Riot

Daniel- Bat for Lashes

1901- Phoenix

Brother Sport- Animal Collective

Strawberry Fields Forever- The Beatles

Some are Lakes- Land of Talk

Car Alarm- The Sea and Cake

Time of a Season- The Zombies

Nothing To Worry About- Peter Bjorn and John

Language City- Wolf Parade

secrets, mysteries, dangerous liaisons and brain exorcisms

2009-03-06T16:41:00.006-06:00

make it stop...

make THIS stop...

this is the past

this is the present

this is the future

wouldn't it be nice

oh, wouldn't it be nice

a direct result of postponing the inevitable.

DO YOU remember that time?

If i were lucky, i wouldn't have any recollection

NOW, i am being haunted by a very strange ghost.

inspire me please 2009

2009-02-01T22:47:00.010-06:00

Nothing, oh nothing, brings clarity to my life like writing a list does.

It is my one single defense against the evil forces of anxiety driven meltdowns.

January and February are the most introspective months for me.

Life slows down, cools down and i begin to hibernate inside my own head

comparing each day to the one before it and trying to pinpoint every pattern.

A year ago right now, I was dealing with feelings that today are barely even memorable.

How caught up and obsessed in the moment we become, but what of our futures?

What about aging and the inevitable? What of loss and of unrequited love and what about an uncontrollable desire for something one could never possibly obtain?

These miserable circumstances are healed by one thing alone- the passing of time.

Time can both be your healer and friend as well as the demise of your youth and strength.

Where lies the happy medium, Where is that thick black line drawn?

Do we give up emotional highs and the illusion/search of ultimate happiness for comfort, safety and basic contentment? Do the feelings we think we are missing truly exist on a long term level? I think the answer is no. Motion picture love is a fable. It has pissed on every girl and boy's expectations for relationships. Our goal should be to channel these ridiculous feelings and use them as inspiration for our art and/or craft.

Maybe i need to do less thinking and more reading...

Here is a list of the books i am currently in the process of digesting:

1. "It's Hard to be Hip, Over Thirty and Other Tragedies of Married Life"

by Judith Viorst

2. " Sin in the Second City-Madams, Ministers, Playboys and the battle for America's Soul"

by Karen Abbott

3. "The Encyclopedia of Psychoactive Substances"

by Richard Rudgley

4. "The Poetry & Short Stories of Dorothy Parker"

by Dorothy Parker

I also have been trying to divert my overactive brain from thinking itself in circles and into corners by indulging in documentaries such as :

Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple (2006)

and Crazy Love

Nothing cures a off day like watching the true stories of

an orchestrator of mass suicide (909 people) and a girl who married the man that threw acid in her face 16 years prior.

oh to be distracted and entertained.

2009-01-21T14:21:00.004-06:00

Its just one of those days where i wish someone would prank call me at work.

(615.321.5444 hint, hint)

I am here at Manuel, sort of by myself... our intern Danielle is here helping me out

but everything is so calm and so quiet.... so boring.

All I can hear is the spanish radio station and its making me crazy.

No Manuel.

No Morelia.

No Lauren.

NO FUN.

I wish some scary plastic surgery altered, faux tanned, weirdo in a bazaar snake skin suit would come into the store and entertain me with obnoxious tales of the "old days" in Los Angeles...

Or that one of my friends would show up with a diet coke, white chocolate macadamia nut cookie, a stack of magazines and a funny story or two...

OR EVEN that we would get some kind of interesting package via the fed-ex delivery man...

like a box full of old photographs of people I do not know or hundreds of pieces of broken jewelry... maybe something i won on EBAY that i had forgotten all about.

I am desperate here. OBVIOUSLY.

Draw me a picture.

Write me a letter.

Compose me a song.

oh Lord, i HATE the radio...

2009-01-18T15:05:00.004-06:00

Well, we all know about my utter contempt for all things Top 40 and Radio friendly.
(I know everyone has guilty "pop" pleasures that rear their ugly heads on a bad day,
The musical equivalent to a ice cream and cake french fry and grilled cheese junk food binge....but that is a whole other story)

so i turn to the likes of Last FM,

Sirius xmu, and Emusic to ease my audibly related

frustration.....but i wont bore you with the gory details, i will just get straight to the point.

I am running out of music.

GIVE ME SOME SUGGESTIONS...

unknown, obscure, bazaar,

mix tapes, mix cds, records,

downloads....

SOMETHING.

ANYTHING.

PLEASE.

THANK YOU

AMEN.

GILDED CAGE TRUNK SHOW

2009-01-09T09:46:00.001-06:00

The time is finally here...

We are having an open house sale on Thursday, January 15th, at our design studio located at 502 North 17th Street, East Nashville, TN. We are selling gorgeous reconstructed vintage clothing and accessories, as well as Crusty Cage items ( vintage inspired t-shirts and such related to subjects like east nashville and hoodrats) all while sipping champagne, spinning records (courtesy of DJ LaFoxx), and eating snacks.
The sale will be from 6pm-9pm.
Tell everyone and prepare to have your mind blown!
We can't wait to see your lovely faces!
Note: We will exclusively accept cash or check at the open house...no credit...sorry.

Love,

THE GILDED CAGE
(Kelli & Lalie)

water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink

2009-01-06T16:07:00.004-06:00

Nothing has really changed in my life as of late...

YET somehow this morning i woke up feeling different....

kind of STRANGE .... outside of myself... or removed from my life even.

Not bad, Not good...just odd. Bazaar. Something else or Someone else.

I am going to blame it on the fact that I can not remember the last time the sun shined or that I am just plain sick and tired of the bars in 5 points or bars altogether for that matter (or at least that is Lauren Wray's theory ).

Highlights of my day include:

Making it work on time after getting in at 4 am ( add walking to my car at 3crow and picking Lauren up into this equation)

Dissecting relationships, boy/girl interaction and the art of not thinking like a human being with intern Kelly while rhinestoning next to a space heater.

( this conversation was second only to our debate about decomposing flesh and dwarves vs. midgets )

Drawing peacocks and feathers for several hours

Actually taking a lunch break

Making up 'making out with marty stuart' scenarios for Wray and Kelly

(this is where I think of funny situations for the girls to be in that almost always include lip locking with mr. hillbilly rock himself and then they have to tell me how they would react.

Its really one of my most favorite past times in the whole entire world)

This is the sound of a disenchanted Fashionista- The the ever changing Fashion Industry makes me glum

2008-07-27T17:09:00.002-05:00

Fash·ion [fash-uhn] Pronunciation Key –noun
1. a prevailing custom or style of dress, etiquette, socializing, etc.: the latest fashion in dresses.
2. conventional usage in dress, manners, etc., esp. of polite society, or conformity to it: the dictates of fashion; to be out of fashion.
–verb (used with object)

Having worked in and around the world of Haute Couture (High Fashion) for a good 6 years now,I consider myself acquainted.

Alas, the more I learn, the less I wish I knew.

Yes, folks I do believe the Honeymoon is over and that if a few changes are not made soon...
divorce papers may be signed.

First off, take the fact that most of the clothing brands your average American has access to and can afford are sewn in sweat shops by tiny children in third world countries.

YES! Guess, Abercrombie and Fitch, Calvin Kline, Forever 21, Victoria's Secret, Target, Old Navy and Banana Republic are a mere handful of names on the long list.

for more info on such dreadful matters visit www.sweatshopwatch.org

Now, multiply that by idea that there is no true middle ground between the cheaply sweat shop made 'Ready to Wear' garments (1. clothing made in standard sizes; ready-made clothing ) and pocket book emptying one of a kind 'Couture' pieces (1. high fashion; the most fashionable and influential dressmaking and designing).

that's right, except for a very select few exceptions to the rule (which i am currently working on compiling a list of) the fashion forward young person of today must make one of two choices when purchasing a brand new garment.

1. Buy a moderately cute but horribly sewn inexpensive garment at say Forever 21 (I like to call this "disposable clothing" the garment equivalent to a tampon due to the fact that it will most likely fall apart after one wear and wash) and support the mistreatment of fellow humans at the same time.

or

2. Take out a loan and skip eating out and other social outings like movies and bowling for a few years in order to purchase an exquisite hand made dress by Christian Lacroix but chances are you may be accused of looking like an escapee from the its a small world Disneyland ride if you are caught wearing it out.

You also have the problem of how shallow and competitive this industry is.
Jobs in fashion are all who you know and not how talented you are and even if by chance you do get your foot in the door of one of the major companies most of the fun and creative side has been taken out and replaced with pure business and many a rule and regulation. How can we create a product for as cheep as we possibly can and mark it up as much as possible?
Not fun. Not interesting. Not ethical.

I am not going to even get into the horrible stereotypes fueled by the greedy fashion industry that start even in grade school.
comments like "Did you see her shoes?" or "Is that a faux Chanel bag she is carrying?"
are yet another hurdle our youth have to overcome to feel "accepted" or "normal".

DISCLAIMER-

I am by no means telling you to avoid trying to look "cool" or shopping at the normal places you go to find that last minute dress you really need for the office Christmas party. I myself on occasion do darken the doors of several of the clothing chains that I previously mentioned. I personally believe that one must feel 100% conviction about something in order to properly boycott it and boycotting is not convenient in the busy fast paced country we live in.

We can do a whole lot more good in this world by finding and creating alternatives for the things we disagree with rather than standing outside businesses with signs and yelling at all who pass by.

That being said, here are a few positive things you can do to counteract all of the horrible things that go on behind the scenes of the world of fashion

Be Creative Enough To Re-Invent The Clothes You Already Own
instead of reading to cheesy shopping magazines like Lucky that just make you want to BUY BUY BUY I would rather refer to The sartorialist and see what REAL people all over the globe are actually wearing on the streets. It is always visually inspiring, never boring and I usually come away with ideas of how to put pieces together that have been sitting in my closet forever in a whole new way.

Buy Vintage and Thrift
It takes a little more time and yes your hands usually smell a little funny after sorting through chaotic racks of old clothes for a few hours but you are doing amazing things for the environment and mankind and chances are you will NEVER run into another girl with the same crazy floral print dress. You will be random, fashionable relevant, avant garde and one of a kind all wrapped up in one.

Support Your Local Designers
Look into who the local designers are in your city. When starting out, young up and coming designers often have a hard time charging the money they want to get for their pieces due to the fact that no one has heard of them. Help them get their name out there by wearing their pieces and in turn you get great deals on exclusive clothing and a chance to be a little different. There are also scores of designers with merchandise available on the Internet take Jared Gold's Black Chandelier line for example. Both inexpensive and interesting.

Give Clothes That You Don't Wear to Charities
Why throw things away when you can help others.
If you do not know of any local trustworthy charities to give to visit www.justgive.org

Take a Sewing Class
If you have the spare time and the interest you should take the basic sewing class at your local fabric store even if all you desire to do is alter the fabulous things you find at the salvation army or take those old boot cut jeans that still fit and make them skinny jeans in just a few minutes.
If this is a little over your head, i suggest getting in touch with the college nearest you that has a design program. Fashion students need both experience and cash and will take in or let out things for much less than any alterations shop.

Barter and Trade
So you are an amazing cook and your friend Erica can sew
Erica's boyfriends parents are coming over for dinner and she is petrified. She always burns everything! You can cook a fabulous meal for her and in turn she will make that adorable high-wasted skirt with all the buttons you've been talking about for a month now.
bring back the bartering system. It is artsy and cool.

Pretty stupid girls- a no reason rant

2008-06-08T17:17:00.002-05:00

I was never the beautiful girl growing up and I am thankful for that fact Every single morning when I wake up...

As kids, my sisters and I were labeled and placed inside neat folders and filed alphabetically inside a very small box.

Maisie with the head turning, pulse racing looks that could kill

Chelsea with that talent for all things creative that came so effortlessly it made everyone sick

And I was the brains of the operation, the ring leader of sorts, the captain of the ship,

The imagination.

None of us thought we could venture outside of the one sentence description that had been branded on us at a very young age.

Thankfully, we have recently concluded that there is so much more to a person than their most obvious strengths.

I think this is the problem with most "pretty girls" and why I often times find them trite, shallow and dare I say it, dreadfully dull.

Now I am by no means drawing a large black line between physically beauty and ugliness.

There is of course a huge gray area in between in which I would categorize myself and most (not all but most) of the other females I would wish to spend time around.

A girl can be attractive, interesting looking, exotic, captivating even and not fit into "pretty girl" mold I speak of.

Girls that are strikingly, drop dead gorgeous by any one's standards (often times a former cheerleader, beauty queen, or pageant princess) tend to have never had to develop their personalities and brains to the level the rest of us have had to in order to make friends and connections in this world.

Unfortunately, I find this to be the case 9 out of 10 times and it really makes me very sad.

These girls grew up with a get out of jail free pass go and collect $200 dollars card and were able to skip a lot of the school of hard knocks' character building workshops your average teenager finds themselves in.

Sure, they can give you an hour long dissertation on makeup, skin care products, hair care and where the best tanning salon is but finding any real substance is like digging for gold in a grave yard.

Now, do not jump the gun and think that this is an attack on being a "girly girl"...I LOVE a shopping spree and pedicure AS much as any female...

In fact, I have most likely gone too far in the opposite direction. I can never slow my mind down, I analyze everything everyone says and worry about too many things that are beyond my control. So maybe having a simple mind is easier... Maybe these girls just want to have fun.

Desperate for dexter. He is an addiction.

2008-05-18T17:05:00.000-05:00

You know you are a tad bit deranged when you find yourself identifying more with a serial killer than the people you go out and drink with on the weekends.

Another clue to this is when you are more depressed about finishing season two and not having a new episode to watch for a very long time than loosing an 8 year friendship due to an extreme distaste for unnecessary drama.

I would just rather watch Dexter kill evil people than have friends that suck all the energy the lifeblood out of me.

Ill take a sarcastic and charming but twisted superhero serial murderer over a bitter and negative nagging vampire friend any day but i digress....

Dexter is the adult version of a modern day robin hood but instead of robbing from the rich and giving to the poor he kills killers to save innocent lives. INGENIOUS.

Showtime has stolen the stage (and my heart) with it's TV adaptation of the incredible Jeff Lindsay's novel "Darkly Dreaming Dexter"

Michael C. hall (you may remember him from the cast of 6 feet under) is shockingly believable and transforms the character into a handsome like able and all together dreamy serial killer.

The Ajax Lady.

2008-05-17T20:58:00.002-05:00

I loathe answering the phone at work.

Its not my Job and for whatever god forsaken reason, it makes me CRAZY.

The other day it just so happened to be ringing off the hook and I randomly felt obliged to pick it up and oh, i am glad i did.

It was the Ajax lady, you know, from the Cheech and Chong movie "Up in Smoke".

Her real name is June Fairchild and she lives in California and claims that at some point her late husband was business partners with my boss MANUEL .

Manuel at the time of the call was out of the country and obviously not available to speak to June so she talked my ear off for about 20 minutes instead.

She spoke of things such as meeting Johnny Cash and him picking her up and spinning her around because her name was the same as his wife's.

She also told me what a catch Marty Stuart used to be in his younger years and how she had always had a crush on him.

She went on to explain that the Ajax scene, (her one claim to fame) was filmed using a tube taped to her cheek that was attached to a vacuum cleaner and that is how it appeared that she snorted all of that household cleaner.

Towards the end of our mostly one sided bazaar and off beat phone conversation, The loquacious Ms. Fairchild insisted that I tell Manuel that "Crazy June" had called, I guess that is what he used to call her back in the day....."Manuel was right on the mark with that one" sounds just about what I thought to myself, I responded only with a chuckle. Just HOW unsound the lady is, i never would have guessed until checking out the pictures from a story the LA times did on her in February of 2001

I never cease to be amazed by humans

strangelittlecupcake

Scar Tissue & Rotten Apples.

Love’s Not the Way to Treat a Friend by Richard Brautigan

Fuck you February 14th, I need no more reminders that Love is most often a lie

1love

Definition of LOVE

Examples of LOVE

Hell Ya...WARPAINT

Saturday Afternoon Play List....

ambulances with sirens barreling up and down my street... make it nearly impossible to sleep...

you can murder someone without killing them you know.

Brianne and i wrote a murder ballad & played it for the first time on Saturday

The most 100 beautiful English words

"This Dark & stormy Passenger"

Lee Alexander McQueen 1969-2010- Thy Eternal summer shall not fade

I live Vicariously through you, Chuck Bass

from the streets of New york, begging for inspiration and reading many words

the unveiling: my summer fashion inspiration and look is...

if not evolving, then what am i doing?

i cant get off this Jeff Buckley and Elliott smith train today

sike.

the dam hath broken and the spring hath sprung.

secrets, mysteries, dangerous liaisons and brain exorcisms

inspire me please 2009

oh to be distracted and entertained.

oh Lord, i HATE the radio...

GILDED CAGE TRUNK SHOW

water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink

This is the sound of a disenchanted Fashionista- The the ever changing Fashion Industry makes me glum

Pretty stupid girls- a no reason rant

Desperate for dexter. He is an addiction.

The Ajax Lady.

¹love